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| Confused I am! |
It is kind of funny actually that this week I have been twice asked (on consecutive days by unrelated people) if I was going to go to my 25th high school reunion. I went to my tenth under protest and at my twentieth I walked out about 40 minutes into it because it was an atrocious display of mature people trying to act like they were in high school again. One of the people that asked was keen to go (he has not been to a reunion yet) and the other felt like me (she saw the antics of the one before). I was not overly fond of my high school years but most of my old friends fall into this category (high school friends) and I struggle to understand the appeal.
Where as with the new friends that I have made it feels cool just to hang around and talk. My old friends purport that they are "too busy" or make a mountain out of a molehill of another task just so they don't have to do anything. Newer friends all have similar tastes and interests to me. Computer games, board games, Doctor Who, RPG's Monty Python, Music. Whatever it is we actually connect on these levels and I am finding myself much more drawn to these people now. It is also these people that notice when I am feeling low and offer a positive comment or a friendly ear whereas others simply live in their own world and ignore these other issues.
I really do feel at times that I am socially inept. I have limitations and I know it. I do not do well in large gatherings of people. I struggle to know what responses are needed when and where but when I am with people that I connect with it all becomes a lot more easier. I have even been to several "parties" recently and not made too much of an idiot out of myself!
I know I am rambling here. I am not exactly sure what my point is, or even if there is a point. All I know is this stuff has been playing on my mind. I am normally a pretty private guy but I (obviously from this blog) have been wanting to share more recently and I feel I would be more comfortable doing that with my newer friends as I already know what the responses would be from my older friends. Anyhow, that is the view from my window today!
Lol man. I have to respond to this one as one of your "Old friends" (I'd presume) I like you as a person and value your friendship. But you have some rather large and solidly built walls which I can't penetrate, not through lack of trying mind you. It's post's like this that make me reconsider staying here or even trying. Hell, I'm not sure if I fit into any of the above categories. My only suggestion is for you do what makes you happy. Life is short.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Cam but this is just a snapshot of how I am feeling. no attack on specific people. it is good that you care and I value the fact that you do.
ReplyDeleteOk mate no worries.
ReplyDeleteHere is me putting my "gutter psychologist" hat on. I do not think it is being socially inept, the fact that you are aware of there being social conventions, demonstrates that you are not. However, what I think it is more likely to be would be the fact that you are not "inoculated" to situations which you are not comfortable with. Stay with me on this. When confronted with these situations, your natural fight or flight reflexes kick in. In a combative situation, you would either fight or run with your body dumping adrenalin. However, whilst your fight or flight kicks in during these "social" situation, your sub-concious self is reacting to the perceived fearful or threatening situation, however you are doing what say emergency services do when they run towards danger, you fight against the natural response, though it impairs you, coming out as a stilted and difficult interaction, as your mind and body are fighting at cross purposes. It is probably exacerbated by the fact that you are compounding it by working yourself up prior to it and this is increasing the cross purposes within you. A simple question is, if you have a couple of drinks or if you attend these situations with other factors that make you comfortable, does it seem easier? Say if you attend with a few close friends, if they are like minded folks about you at say a store or convention? Those are things, which the clannish herd animal in you uses to ease the fight or flight "symptoms", it is why we as people are naturally drawn to our "tribes" and feel most at ease among them, as you are all naturally working towards the same purpose and it eases the stress. In my own line of work it is a well recognized condition, you can be the polar opposite to your off duty persona, after you go through the rituals of putting on the uniform and tools of the trade. You detach and it is a safety measure. Like you, I hate large crowds. Night clubs and crowded pubs send me into cold sweats. Strange shopping centre's where there is a lot of people have me dancing about like a cat on a hot tin roof. The second I put the "war paint" on, I detach and I wade into them with a purpose, the same way I can run towards danger whilst others and running away. Your friends and other "releases" of that pressure are probably no different. Anyway, just some thinking from someone who has spent nearly two decades looking at peoples motives and thinking, I could be wrong and you could disagree. However, I agree with you...school reunions are not my cup of tea and I can think of nothing more sad than people parading about like they are teens again...particularly if you were a nerd like us LOL.
ReplyDelete:) Again, my thanks Muddy. Good to hear from you!
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